Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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