OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
