used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
