If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
