id be glad to
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
