I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
