oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
