he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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