Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
