I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
