i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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