So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
