She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
