You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
