ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
