When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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