why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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