hotel room ftw
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
