Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have aggressive nipples.
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