i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
