things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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