I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
