but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
