so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
