You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
