this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
