You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
