We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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