I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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