I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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