I hate your face
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
