I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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