Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
