But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
