just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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