i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
