This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
