Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
