im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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