Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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