I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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