My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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