You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
