I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
