Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
