i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
