Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
