so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
