when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
