the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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