I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
