Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
