don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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